tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63319282011-07-14T20:36:37.597-04:00The Blogs, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Odd Positions. Its 3-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before! Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comBlogger831100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1111071693284571882005-03-17T09:47:00.000-05:002005-03-17T10:01:33.286-05:00

Wooooohooooooohooooo hooooooooo.Any sort of claim black people might have had left for Michael Jackson is completely out the window at this point. He's gone and he ain't going back.The ultimate proof of this fact resides in his own actions. Mike is now committing white crimes. Black people want your bike, not your dike. Only white people abduct children. Only white people touch kids. You

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1110819212222514582005-03-14T11:50:00.000-05:002005-03-14T11:53:32.226-05:00

Mario Vasquez drops out of 'American Idol.' This is a big deal. This is the first time in reality television that a contestant quits. Now THAT is reality television.Quitters are everywhere. They're either born or formed, depending on the circumstances. Some people are just born being prone to give up on things when plans don't go their way. Most of us, however, are conditioned to become

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1110382020829820462005-03-09T10:25:00.000-05:002005-03-09T10:27:00.906-05:00

So I watched "Donnie Darko" this weekend and I've been feeling like I am Donnie Darko. It's a high school feeling where it's you against the world. It's fucking crazy, because we all know better by now. But it can creep up on you.But if I WAS, in fact, Donnie Fuckin' Darko I'd talk that Bunny into bringing me some of that space/future pussy. Wherever it is he comes from, outer space or the

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1109175938582335382005-02-23T11:12:00.000-05:002005-02-23T11:31:17.546-05:00

I'm not sure whether I've talked about this in the past, but when I was younger one of my fantasies was to gather a group of friends, outfit a van, and drive around late in the night fighting crime like a bunch of superheroes. This might sound comical to you, but in the words of a very wise comedian, when boys read comic books they see themselves as the character lead.Superman, Flash, Wolverine:

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1108933481066753282005-02-20T15:56:00.000-05:002005-02-20T16:04:41.066-05:00

I now go by the call sign of STARBUCK. Who dat? Me dat. Now if I could only figure out how to change the post signature. Damn technology, damn you, you're tearing me aaaaaaaaapaaaaaart. Also I like orange jello.

Scottyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069615901167245185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1108584559330291252005-02-16T15:07:00.000-05:002005-02-16T15:09:19.333-05:00

The following is a conversation between my sister and I as I struggled to find a comedic concept to write about. Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado:Me: Give me something funny to write about.Sister: Why?Me: Cuz I need something funny to write about. Give me an idea.Sister: Like what?Me: I don't know, like a clown with a hearing problem.Sister: Why is that funny?Me: It's not, that's the

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1106671850867618892005-01-25T11:49:00.000-05:002005-01-25T12:26:31.083-05:00

Does it bother anyone else that the golden boys of film all suck now? I watch “Raging Bull” and “Casino” and “Taxi Driver” and think, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO DE NIRO, MAN?!?!!??? He was awesome, and now he makes shitty movies about meeting a son in law and what not. Back in the day De Niro wouldn’t have had to tie the son in law up to a lie detector. He would have gotten some of his boys

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1106156807467453902005-01-19T13:46:00.000-05:002005-01-25T12:27:30.403-05:00

You know what I really want? Unicorns. But everyone thinks I’m fucking around. I’m dead serious. Unicorns could single-handedly revive stagnant economies. Unicorns could tour the globe for the U.N. in support of world peace. Dialogue over violence. Dialogue over violence from the single-horned beacon of brotherhood. Only a mythical figure could achieve this. Only a respected creature

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1104959024542194922005-01-05T16:03:00.000-05:002005-01-05T16:03:44.543-05:00

so this lady walks into the bank today. she stands by one of the teller stations not talking to anybody. the teller asks her if she needs help, she asks for a printout of her account. the teller gives her the printout. the lady starts looking at it and nodding her head... then she starts saying..."alicia keys gonna stop taking money from my account." everything stops. we say, "what was that

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1103908866287792962004-12-24T13:19:00.000-05:002004-12-24T12:23:42.296-05:00

Take it from me, Popeye jerked off A LOT as a kid. A LOT.

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1103131098855462642004-12-15T12:17:00.000-05:002004-12-15T12:18:18.856-05:00

After careful consideration I have decided that for the sake of better writing and the overall quality of my work, I will begin taking steroids immediately. If it works for athletes it's gotta work for the rest of us as well. I will inject them in my hands so that they can be strong and never get tired of typing. I will ingest growth hormone for my brain to ensure it can be stronger and

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1102443653194779642004-12-07T13:18:00.000-05:002004-12-07T13:20:53.193-05:00

I think it's pretty gangsta when my friends engage in the type of activities that would lead the owners of the bar to put up a sign reading, "NO SEX IN THE RESTROOMS." I want to send out a BIG UPS to that friend, who shall remain nameless. He is a true man, but he still hasn't done it in a women's bathroom at a law firm. That, my e-friends, is yet to be topped.

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1101224145161800972004-11-23T10:34:00.000-05:002004-11-23T10:35:45.160-05:00

Today's guest blogger is none other than our favorite pop fraud, Ms. Kelly Clarkson. Hi. I'm Kelly Clarkson. You might know me as the original American Idol winner and from my movie Justin and Kelly. Hugo asked me to guest blog today, so here I am. First, I'd like to talk about my summer. It was great! I lost my virginity to Randy Jackson. You'd think he'd be bigger in the pants, but fat

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1100790373157998002004-11-18T10:04:00.000-05:002004-11-18T10:09:52.556-05:00

I'm trying to come up with a clever outgoing message on my answering machine. I thought of using the George Constanza routine of singing, but I don't want to repeat anything. I feel like I have a good chance of breaking new ground here. Should I recite a poem? A limerick? Play a rap song or an old western tune? Or should I just record the sounds of love emanating from my new collection of

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1100275453665924372004-11-12T11:03:00.000-05:002004-11-12T11:04:13.666-05:00

Steven Spielberg is filming a remake of "War of the Worlds" not four blocks from my house. Streets are closed, anarchy is king, and maidens' panties are dropping before Tom Cruise as we speak. Yes, he is the star of the picture. I swear on Jesus H. Christ; if anyone else tells me about how they met Tom Cruise I'm going to go out and punch his 5'3 pretty-boy frame in his money-making face. I'm

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1098883425664075692004-10-27T09:23:00.000-04:002004-10-27T09:23:45.666-04:00

Last night, the trip started out innocently enough as a run to Barnes & Noble. But then my accomplice spotted one of those "Support Our Troops" magnets on my girl's car and from there on out we just couldn't help ourselves. We took some at the parking lot. And some more on our way back home. And some more once we got to our neighborhood. We had about 25 in our possession and my idea was to

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1098298908122803732004-10-20T15:01:00.000-04:002004-10-20T15:01:48.123-04:00

Why does my girlfriend get so incredibly happy when my ex is having guy problems? And why does she revel in the fact that my ex put on weight? It's cute when women fight on TV. Or in a tub of jello. In mud. I'm a sucker for that shit. But not when it's like this. Not when it hits this close to home. They're not at blows. Nor will it come to that. But in the words of the great

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1093897111072702132004-08-30T16:17:00.000-04:002004-08-30T16:51:25.526-04:00

Of all the gangsta things I've done (dating project chicks, convincing them not to make me wear a condom by telling them you can't get pregnant the first time) none is more gangsta than today's actions. Drinking at work. I work at a bank. It's oxford and tie, it's corporate, I have to deal with customer's one on one and perform transactions of hundreds of thousands of dollars. And I drank

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1092237382661368612004-08-11T11:11:00.000-04:002004-08-11T11:16:22.660-04:00

while lying in bed the night before last waiting for sleep to overtake me, i dawned upon the realization that 80’s action movie stars saved the world. i’m not talking about the world as it is on film (i.e. the matrix) but rather about the real world where i, like so many others, ridiculously pay $5 for a cup of coffee and sit through endless episodes of the bachelor because my girlfriend thinks

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1091461648771968492004-08-02T11:45:00.000-04:002004-08-02T11:47:28.773-04:00

So, I've always had a crush on cartoon characters. From Cheetara, to Rogue from X-Men, I've always wanted to do a really hot cartoon chick. I don't know why, but I guess when you're a kid and the hormones start to kick in… you end up rubbing it out to Smurfette. And it isn't even a real rub-out. I mean, you're only 4 years old, so you're probably humping a pillow on the living room couch,

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1090505453983328602004-07-22T10:09:00.000-04:002004-07-22T10:10:53.983-04:00

So the kid doesn't have the izm today. He wrote a poem and lost it. He's sad. He doesn't feel very good. He needs a pick-up blowjob. One time at band camp… well, I think I've told you that story. There was this other time when my boy Vic got so drunk he ran around wearing a bike helmet and let me throw peaches at him. That was great. In fact, I think a good way to feel better is by

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1089643460253517862004-07-12T10:43:00.000-04:002004-07-12T10:44:20.253-04:00

If you look into a baby’s eyes, it will steal your heart. Honest to Buddha. I shit you not. There’s something about being around a baby that makes me act like one. I start talking all "Ugu Gaga" and, "Hey baby, hey baby, who’s the baby? You’re the baby. Yes you are. You’re a pretty baby. A gorgeous baby. And who loves the baby? I love the baby. I love you. Ugu Gaga." Babies just

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1089232949387668362004-07-07T16:42:00.000-04:002004-07-07T16:42:29.386-04:00

This past 4th of July reminded me that America is the greatest place on earth and surrounding satellites. It was not the fact that we celebrate the birth of our nation by blowing shit up that reminded me of what a great place I live in. No. It was all the freedoms, and other cool stuff (for lack of a better description) that I can enjoy in this great land. Simple things that we often overlook

Victorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15269101842775416240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1088537448783525052004-06-29T15:30:00.000-04:002004-06-29T15:30:48.783-04:00

The most random post ever. 1) Where do Russians get their mail-order brides? 2) A mohawk WILL get you laid. End of conversation. 3) My boss comes up to me with this whole scenario about, "Wouldn’t it be great if you could just write all day and have that support you and not have to put up with people like me?" WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?! Am I getting fired? Did I just win a

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1086970143541816592004-06-11T12:00:00.000-04:002004-06-11T12:09:03.543-04:00

I know what you are all thinking. “Oh, he must have one of those venereal diseases!!!”, but that is not the case. I’m not the bearer of any of the gifts that keeps on giving. And as much as I’d like to brag that I’m hung like a rhinoceros, I’m not. My package is well equipped. I’ve never had complaints, well actually I have, but they have all been in a good way. Well, sort of. I’ve had complaints

Victorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15269101842775416240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1086900763803271122004-06-10T16:52:00.000-04:002004-06-10T16:52:43.803-04:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040610. Uhura knows everybody’s been hatin’ on J-Lo for getting married again, but let Uhura be honest with you for a minute. If J-Lo came in here with her hot ass and all her cash and asked Uhura to marry her, Uhura would jump at it! Jump! And if Uhura was J-Lo, looking all good and with all that money, she’d marry whoever she wanted to marry just like J-Lo

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1086801955813159602004-06-09T13:25:00.000-04:002004-06-09T13:25:55.813-04:00

The thing about strip-joints is that no matter how hard they try to make it into a classy place, it’s still a strip-joint. There are naked women dancing for money; I’m not going to act as if it’s a reception dinner where the rest of the world is finally recognizing my literary genius. (That’s a whole different post.) I’m there to look at women and hang out with my friends, that’s all. I don’t

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1086287404131785822004-06-03T14:29:00.000-04:002004-06-03T14:30:04.133-04:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040603. Uhura just got the shocker done to her this weekend, and let her tell you that it is quite the trick. For those of you who don't know what the shocker is, let Uhura fill you in. Hold your hand open, now bend your middle finger and pin it to your hand with your thumb. Hold the pinky and ring finger close together and you got yourself a shocker. Now you're

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1086056227714495842004-05-31T22:16:00.000-04:002004-05-31T22:17:07.713-04:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040531. Memorial Day, what what!!! Big ups to all them people who died in wars fightin' for the U.S. of A. Much respect, this day belongs to you. This is not the day to be talkin' about who should fight who. It's a day to remember and appreciate the fallen. So when Uhura sees these white boys talkin' 'bout Wolverine and Edward Needledick and Mike Tyson, I can't

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1086047775557361332004-05-31T18:45:00.000-04:002004-05-31T20:20:08.863-04:00

I'm happy to see that people actually read my posts, and really do appreciate the comments. But I would do this blog little justice if I did not clarify the position that I was taking on my most recent post. One of the commentators wrote: "If I couldn’t beat my meat, I would just hump my couch." Masturbation, for men at least, is not just about sexual self gratification. There exists a bond,

Rodrigohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03122289573924165616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1085668695181657752004-05-27T09:35:00.000-04:002004-05-27T10:40:56.756-04:00

I recently watched Edward Scissorhands on television and much of the underlining theme of the film was made clear to me by my naturally acquired wisdom. Having been only ten-years-old when I first watched Edward Scissorhands, I had difficulty fully understanding the plight that our young protagonist, marvelously played by Johnny Depp, found himself in. Having been created by “the inventor” (no

Rodrigohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03122289573924165616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1085415942625478612004-05-24T12:24:00.000-04:002004-05-24T12:25:42.626-04:00

During high-school and college, I was constantly and continuously perturbed by the despicable acts of the overgrown species of females who came to be known as "the Pussy Brokers." Allow me to explain. Both in high-school and college, at least the ones I attended, the hot chicks all hung out together. They formed a click of ‘hotness’ where they could hang out at any function without worrying

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1085163059008876732004-05-21T13:44:00.000-04:002004-05-21T14:34:26.460-04:00

As strange as it may seem, I too have succumb to the power of my fears and have pondered about my hypothetical prison term. Being 170 lbs. soaking wet with a rock in my pocket, it is not difficult to picture my prison term as being unpleasant at best. The thought of daily anal rapes and being made to wear a dress with a mop head as a make-shift wig tends to make me cringe. Many anthropologists

Rodrigohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03122289573924165616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1085068083161840472004-05-20T11:47:00.000-04:002004-05-20T11:48:03.163-04:00

So I’m at the urinal when the big, scary security guard comes and towers next to me, whips out his johnson, and as if saying hello asks me, "Is it coming out alright?" WHOA!!! Did I just unknowingly drop the soap or something? What the fuck?!?! So as I’m standing there, piece in hand, feeling like Bubba’s newfound interest, he starts laughing. I hope I never end up in jail. I don’t think

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1084904221999695812004-05-18T14:16:00.000-04:002004-05-18T14:17:02.000-04:00

OK, every time I go to the movies all I see is stuff that isn’t really there, augmentations, in short, special effects. The plot has taken a backseat to the visual and I, for one, think it’s time for the new technologies of film-making to venture into other forms of film. Namely, pornos. I am ready to see a digitally altered penis. Get it some speaking parts. Some really cool one-liners.

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1084287568027349252004-05-11T10:59:00.000-04:002004-05-11T10:59:33.650-04:00

it's time to see who really loves me. i published a second collection of poetry entitled "the deepest depths of shallow ponds." it is now for sale at the unbelievable low rate of $7.95. anyone who would like a copy email me at hugo@hugodossantos.com and i will gladly ship you a copy. like i said, it's $7.95 (plus $1 shipping). also, for those of you who are watching your wallets more

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1084204302907624472004-05-10T11:51:00.000-04:002004-05-10T11:51:42.906-04:00

So this weekend was one of realizations. It truly was. At the Nets game last evening (in a suite, high-profiling, mind you) I realized that white people like my black friend more than they like me. And I’m in the club! I’m fucking white. I don’t get it. Maybe I’m too "hood," "street," whatever. Oh yeah, I also met John Mayer. I know he looks tall and goofy on TV but in person he’s

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1083946556354632492004-05-07T12:15:00.000-04:002004-05-07T12:28:10.500-04:00

So two weeks ago I’m at a poetry reading sponsored by the city. It was in support of April as Poetry Month, something sponsored by the mayor’s office where poets read urban-inspired poetry around the city all month long. The particular reading I attended, along with a friend who shall remain nameless, Vic, was put together by a hottie from the English department at the University. I mean,

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1083864814147827412004-05-06T13:07:00.000-04:002004-05-06T13:40:13.466-04:00

In order to improve US – Mexico relations, which have hit an all time low recently, President George W. Bush has decided to invite Mexican President Vicente Fox to celebrate Cinco de Mayo at the White House. The festivities are scheduled to include a re-enactment of the Battle of Puebla as performed by Mrs. Allen’s 3rd grade class from the Betsy Ross Elementary School in Washington D.C. on the

Victorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15269101842775416240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1083684323326113702004-05-04T11:24:00.000-04:002004-05-04T11:33:12.950-04:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040427. Uhura has a BIG, BIG crush on Hugo. She’s not usually into white boys, but this one’s got soul. He brings the real and Uhura likes the real ‘cause the real is real when it’s really real, fo’ real. Aight? So check it, Hugo, if you are ever in outer space and want to see what getting some is like over here, holla at yo’ girl. Uhura put it down on you fo’

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1083597405759922842004-05-03T11:16:00.000-04:002004-05-03T11:20:58.466-04:00

In a culture that seeks desperately to label everything as good and bad, right or wrong, one man has found the conviction to stand up for his ideals. Who hasn’t dreamt about finding the perfect soul-mate? When Chester Steels began looking for a suitable bride, all he found were women who wanted to party and take him for his money. "They just up and off with the money I brought home," he

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1083337978214702832004-04-30T10:59:00.000-04:002004-04-30T11:17:16.733-04:00

Went out last night and the drinks hit me. They hit me hard. Jabs, hooks, uppercuts and all that good shit. They hit like a Tyson right. White Russian. Initially, my idea was to get the guys together, buy 40’s, and hit Hoboken. "Lets just walk around, hold hands and skip." That didn’t go over too well. Guess they didn’t realize I was joking about the holding hands part. I love

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1082992913611254532004-04-26T11:20:00.000-04:002004-05-04T11:28:03.840-04:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040427. Yesterday, Uhura was in a rush to get to the Enterprise’s salon to get her hair did and forgot one very important comment on pop culture. Omarosa is the spawn of Satan and the only positive thing Uhura can say about her is that she has an opposable thumb. Now, we don’t get much reality television here on the Enterprise, but we did get to see the

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1082944406456410382004-04-25T21:46:00.000-04:002004-04-26T11:24:58.390-04:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040426. Uhura wants to phone in on the overgrown Eastern Europeans who are attempting to take over the sport of boxing. The Klitschko brothers had everybody thinking they had enough in ‘em to take the Heavyweight Championship throne. However, somebody forgot the fact that they’re white. White boys, as y’all should know, don’t make good heavyweight champs. If you

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1082470343232141222004-04-20T10:10:00.000-04:002004-04-20T10:16:27.950-04:00

Rodrigohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03122289573924165616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1081965264870469292004-04-14T13:53:00.000-04:002004-04-14T13:58:20.966-04:00

As the FCC tightens its grip around the scrawny neck of Howard Stern, and threatens to sic the dogs against network television, I only see it befitting that they are hell bent on protecting our children. After all, the children are the future, and we can not have their young and impressionable minds corrupted by The Sopranos, or Oprah, or anything else on radio or television for that matter. In

Victorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15269101842775416240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1081794127057649442004-04-12T14:19:00.000-04:002004-04-12T14:26:37.000-04:00

My boy Vic just brought this to my attention. Here are 2 lists of banned books. Pretty interesting stuff. Enjoy, or should I say fear... 1st List Unbelievable Thanks comrade Vic. This was truly enlightening.

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1081781785249122782004-04-12T10:55:00.000-04:002004-04-12T11:00:19.263-04:00

Recently, the FCC has taken some steps to ensure that the overall quality of radio is secure. The FCC currently seeks to curb some of the unsuitable content in an effort to secure our airwaves. Indecency has no business on a medium where anyone, of any age, can access on command. We must protect our youth. The FCC isn’t trying to control what we listen to, only checking some of the unwanted

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1081532008366776842004-04-09T13:33:00.000-04:002004-04-09T13:37:17.873-04:00

Why don’t they make half-size clothing? You know, like Small and a half, or Medium and a half? I know what you’re thinking, that there are already enough sizes out there, that it’s not worth revamping the clothing industry with this small a concern. It would cost too much. There aren’t enough benefits involved. I beg to differ. We’re living in a day and time where we’re no longer keeping

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1081531679974402992004-04-09T13:26:00.000-04:002004-04-12T10:58:25.216-04:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040409. This uppity uncle-tom bitch had the audacity of saying, “It’s imperative that we find the problems associated with this tragedy for the sake of the victims.” Well, bitch, if that’s the case then get your ass down there and testify. Why the big production about testifying? We know Dubya is a damn fool, girl. Why you gotta take the fall? Dumb bitch. She

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1081184317623648312004-04-05T12:57:00.000-04:002004-04-05T13:02:21.263-04:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040405. Uhura wants to "Pimp Her Enterprise." Gimme some co-ed showers so I can check out what the Vulcan looks like nekkid. And also, give Uhura some thicker walls so that the entire spaceship doesn’t hear what goes on in this room. Give Uhura her own massage therapist, happy ending thank you very much, and a Korean lady to do her hands and feet. Uhura also

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1081184217297100792004-04-05T12:55:00.000-04:002004-04-05T14:50:27.450-04:00

In response to MTV’s new hit-show, "Pimp My Ride," there are some gadgets I would like to see added to my 2002 Nissan Sentra GXE. See, as of right now it’s a stock car; I’ve added nothing. But the whole fad of making your car an extension of yourself has me thinking that maybe I should just get on-board and enjoy the ride, if you’ll pardon the pun. I want to "pimp my ride," if you will. We’ll

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1080689939507489682004-03-30T18:34:00.000-05:002004-03-30T18:42:35.513-05:00

Hey Pico where do you live? "I live on Valley estreet." Thank you and good night!!!

Scottyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069615901167245185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1080673738368665332004-03-30T14:08:00.000-05:002004-03-30T14:14:42.216-05:00

One of the unspeakable atrocities of political correctness is how it robs our language of its color. Conservative mindset in people, not just conservatives, but people in general, leads to acts of desperation in curbing how the public airs out its opinions on particular subjects. Some of the things we want to say just aren’t accepted by folk, it seems. “It’s like a muzzle,” said currently

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1080668600435501122004-03-30T12:43:00.000-05:002004-03-30T12:57:36.903-05:00

As I'm sure you all have noticed there are some posts that have come up missing. Where did they go? I know where they went, to binary heaven. You have something funny to say, say it. That's what Capatain's Blog is for. You wanna attack liberals, go ahead. You think Bush is a no talent ass clown, rip into him. But don't use this blog to hurl personal insults. Some of us have been in this

Rodrigohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03122289573924165616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1080580430020780872004-03-29T12:13:00.000-05:002004-03-29T12:19:39.780-05:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040329. Uhura wants to know why this Scottish prick is talking about nothing when we need to focus our attentions to the evils being committed against National security adviser Condoleezza Rice. Why is it that every time a black woman is in a position of power ‘the man’ wants to bring her down? It reminds Uhura of a time when she, too, was persecuted. When Uhura

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1080500074348401342004-03-28T13:45:00.000-05:002004-03-28T13:59:40.890-05:00

" America is making progress against Islamic fundamentalism but hampered by the self-hatred of elite academics at home and the cynical self-interest of allies abroad. There is a new struggle of evil against good, one that can fail only if we convince ourselves that our enemies fight because of something we did, rather than they, did. " - someone a lot smarter than us!!!

Scottyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069615901167245185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1080319115578033192004-03-26T11:38:00.000-05:002004-03-26T11:42:44.356-05:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040326. Uhura don’t know why this white boy is talking about moustaches being all good. The moustache can be very, very bad. Uhura knows of at least one case where the moustache is a bad, bad thing. Geraldo Rivera is a no-good, lying, cheating excuse for a man. He has lied about carrying a gun and being under fire while covering the War on Terrorism overseas, he

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1080236224686841582004-03-25T12:36:00.000-05:002004-03-25T12:47:43.623-05:00

Certain things dawn nostalgia within my spirit. There are certain things of the past that when recalled can take me right back to the golden days of greasy hair and tight-fitting pants. And one of those things is the colorful facial ornament known as the moustache. It is also affectionately referred to as the upper-lip mane, the original flavor-saver, the royal crown of facial nobility and,

Hugohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16090131258920020920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1080225853599735672004-03-25T09:28:00.000-05:002004-03-25T12:35:55.246-05:00

Catains Blog. Stardate 20040325 Six Degrees or less! Link Ahmed Yassin to Kevin Bacon. Considering that Ahmed Yassin has never been in any movies I have decided to completely ignore the rules of the Kevin Bacon Game and use any bit of information I can to link these two famous faces. Here we go: Although Ahmed Yassin has never been in any feature length motion pictures, he does share on

Rodrigohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03122289573924165616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1080162209185476872004-03-24T15:36:00.000-05:002004-03-24T16:09:21.030-05:00

Captain's Blog. Stardate 20040324 Fellow Capt. Uhura has used this blog to display why she is everyone's favorite shipmate, and I do mean everyone's, but she has failed to mention the coolest rapper of all time.... Vanilla Ice. Yes. Vanilla Ice is my personal favorite. He was a big hit, in my native Russia. He brought it in strong with his first hit single, Ice Ice Baby. I don't understand how

Chekovnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1080157000980150972004-03-24T14:34:00.000-05:002004-04-12T14:23:32.890-04:00

Captain's Blog. Stardate 20040324. Uhura forgot two very sexy men in her last post. Check them out at the links below. One is white, and one is wrongly accused. Very Strong White Man Wrongfully Accused :( Thank me later. Uhura over and out. I holla!

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1079978030366503082004-03-22T12:53:00.000-05:002004-03-22T12:57:59.186-05:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040322. Uhura had herself a great weekend. She went out, danced, had herself two drinks at the Enterprise Bar (malibu bay-breeze), and thoroughly enjoyed herself and her company. That led to a peculiar idea; who, in the music business, would Uhura most likely hook-up with. A list was created and it goes as follows. 10. Q-Tip – Q-Tip is old school. Not so much

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1079932930102655022004-03-22T00:12:00.000-05:002004-03-22T12:11:02.123-05:00

Captain's Blog. Stardate 20040322 I don't know about you but I sure as hell don't peaky panish. I don't peaky panish, I don't peaky peaky, I don't speaky the peaky and I don't "hablo espanol", okay my Spanish friends. I do however peaky english, and I peak it very well. That's right Raul I don't peaky panish and don't act so fucking surprised, and wipe that fucking outraged look off your face

Scottyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069615901167245185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1079721600214743972004-03-19T13:37:00.000-05:002004-03-19T13:43:20.983-05:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040319 As a response to the deadly train blasts in Madrid, Spain, the European Union has announced the appointment of an anti terrorism expert to coordinate security for the EU. The new position will be called “Mr. Terrorism”. The decision taken by the EU is already coming under fire. The first person taking aim is none other than Rush Limbaugh, surprisingly, because

Chekovnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1079624048900838332004-03-18T10:19:00.000-05:002004-03-18T16:40:37.200-05:00

Captains Log Stardate: 03182004 Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today

Rodrigohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03122289573924165616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1079558768120316142004-03-17T16:22:00.001-05:002004-03-17T16:32:45.030-05:00

Captain's Blog. Stardate 20040317 The battle of the sexes continues to be fought on a daily basis. My own spacecraft turns into a battlefield several times a week. The womenfolk are constantly bashing men. From their tone I deduce that they are bashing their own men, but men none the less. They say that we men are useless, and that they don’t need men, and that men are stupid, and irrational. I’

Chekovnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1079545188781362492004-03-17T12:39:00.000-05:002004-03-17T13:13:10.653-05:00

Captain’s Blog: Stardate 20040317. Oh the Mud People. Who could forget those loveable Woodstock misfits? Not I. I remember watching MTV’s coverage of Woodstock 94 and feeling green with envy. Why couldn’t I be the one being pelted with a healthy chunk of urine drenched sod? Granted, I was only fourteen-years-old at the time, but still the longing filled my heart. Really it did. Ten years and

Rodrigohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03122289573924165616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1079538173264068672004-03-17T10:42:00.000-05:002004-07-12T10:40:22.496-04:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040317. While people are concerned with the international forum and how the allies are dispersing, the more important issue for Americans is being inexplicably over-looked. The great Reverend Al Sharpton has dropped out of the race for the Democratic nomination and Uhura can say that it truly is a sad day. Reverend Al has exhausted his appeal. He is no longer

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1079470105839700102004-03-16T15:47:00.000-05:002004-03-16T15:56:27.810-05:00

Captain's Blog. Stardate: 20040316 Presidential hopeful, Senator John Kerry, has made claims that several World leaders have expressed serious concern over George W. Bush’s continuation as the supreme leader of the United States. The Bush administration is now intent in knowing who these World leaders are. They demand to know, and Senator Kerry does not wish to disclose who the leaders are.

Chekovnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1079235804024701912004-03-13T22:42:00.000-05:002004-03-13T22:51:17.483-05:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040313. Martha Stewart is a bitch and Uhura hates her cracker ass. But we are still waiting for convictions in the Enron case. And Haliburton is going to get a bye on stealing our tax money. So if you want to talk about criminals I think we should talk about the ones who took people’s jobs and ran off with money that belonged to someone else. And I want to talk

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1079031230069334632004-03-11T13:52:00.000-05:002004-03-11T13:57:00.360-05:00

Captain's Blog. Stardate: 20040311 And even if it’s determined that you did not commit the crime get ready to serve the time anyway. This is what I believe is happening to Martha Stewart. As unbelievable as this will sound to those that know me, I am defending the cold, expressionless cunt. Don’t get me wrong I still hate the bitch, but I think she is taking it in deeply on this one. She is

Chekovnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1078521417472586062004-03-05T16:07:00.000-05:002004-03-08T20:46:24.780-05:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040306 I do not agree with what you say. But I will defend to the death your right to say it -Voltaire What's the point of having an amendment to the constitution protecting freedom of speach of it doesn't do so under public forums. I really don't get. So where can you excercise your freedom of speach? In a place where no one hears you?

Rodrigohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03122289573924165616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1078516705930884672004-03-05T14:57:00.000-05:002004-03-05T15:01:27.200-05:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040305. When it comes to morals, let he who has never sipped grandpa’s old cough medicine be the one to toss the first shot glass. Morals aren’t set rules or understandings. They differ from culture to third-world culture and from individual to stoned individual. Uhura don’t like Howard Stern because they be calling people “niggers” on his show. But Uhura don’t

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1078514597227460172004-03-05T14:22:00.000-05:002004-03-05T15:34:08.513-05:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040305. Jesus seems to be found in the weirdest of places. People tend to find him at the end of a line of coke, in the State Pen, or at the bottom of a bottle of hooch. That seems to be the place where our honorable president George W. Bush found our Lord and Savior. George W. Bush is hell bent on making America a land of morals and values. Let me start by discussing

Chekovnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1077554479630025972004-02-23T11:40:00.000-05:002004-03-13T22:48:25.046-05:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040223. Ralph Nader is another dumb cracker fucking it up for the black man. Don’t he know what he’s doing with his lazy-eye approach to being lazy-eyed? He is dumb, America, and we should not vote for this man. I bet you he’s really a Republican at heart and keeps posing as a liberal to cost the Democrats countless elections. Look at his lazy-eyed self

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1077127809647718412004-02-18T13:09:00.000-05:002004-02-18T13:12:49.483-05:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040218. Uhura wants to say that John Kerry’s bid for the Democratic ticket is a damn shame. That boy don’t know nothing bout running no country. People are so scared of Al Sharpton like he’s gonna get to D.C. and turn it into the Black House. Why are white people so afraid of black people? One time this old white lady on the Enterprise saw me walking down the

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1077125820270904512004-02-18T11:57:00.000-05:002004-02-18T12:43:00.686-05:00

Captains Blog's Stardate 2004.2.18 The hearts and minds of the crew have been made heavier this week by the once again crushing defeat of our loveable presidential candidate Howard "The Hollerer" Dean. Dean suffered a defeat once again at the hands of Democratic adulterer John Kerry. The times certainly have changed. One of the greatest leaders of our Federation was almost ousted for his

Rodrigohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03122289573924165616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1075313336010447132004-01-28T13:06:00.000-05:002004-01-28T13:12:12.623-05:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040128. Al Sharpton was shunned again last night. Uhura don't like that. Something really need to change. New Hampshire has like 3 people living there, they shouldn't hold this much power in the primaries. We're selecting a President here, people. Uhura checkin out. I-holla.

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1074616711336958732004-01-20T11:37:00.000-05:002004-01-28T13:12:43.623-05:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040120 Uhura just wants to say that it’s not cool that Al Sharpton didn’t even get a vote in Iowa. I know he wasn’t even campaigning there, but it’s just preposterous. Black people need to come together. Where are all the Iowa black people at? It's starting to look like Vermont over there. Bill Clinton, though, he was a cute one. Uh hum, Uhura give him a little

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1074532757290622152004-01-19T12:11:00.000-05:002004-01-19T12:28:31.106-05:00

Captain’s Blog. Stardate 20040119. I’m sorry about being late to publish on this here web-page, but you know a sultry momma like me had to do it right. Plus, these computers don’t know a damn thing about catering to a woman. That’s right, they need to check they-selves. I am a Captain now and I do what I wanna do. So if I want to talk like this then this is how I’m gonna talk. And this

Uhurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459265759054723180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-107428709299904642004-01-16T16:04:00.000-05:002004-01-16T16:06:47.686-05:00

Captain’s Blog: Stardate 20040116. Welcome aboard the USS Odd Positions. I am Commander Pavel Andreievich Chekov. The Blogs, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Odd Positions. Its 3-year mission: to explore strange new worlds (namely our own), to seek out new life (hopefully one that is educated) and new civilizations (ones that are better for our kids), to boldly go where

Chekovnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6331928.post-1074286042710049122004-01-16T15:47:00.000-05:002004-01-19T15:34:19.250-05:00

Captain's Blog. Star date 20040116 The federation has decided to implement a new log system for all galaxy class starships. The new interface seems to be a little awkward, but I believe that is true for all new forms of technology. This being my first use of the blogger interface, I will constrain my first log to a short text message just to make sure the system is working under normal

Rodrigohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03122289573924165616noreply@blogger.com