Thursday, March 17, 2005

Freaky-Ass White People 

Wooooohooooooohooooo hooooooooo.

Any sort of claim black people might have had left for Michael Jackson is completely out the window at this point. He's gone and he ain't going back.

The ultimate proof of this fact resides in his own actions. Mike is now committing white crimes. Black people want your bike, not your dike. Only white people abduct children. Only white people touch kids. You don't see black people doing that; there's a line you do not cross and for some reason white people don't understand that.

That's why The King of Pop is now officially white. You can look the part, but it doesn't really matter until you act the part.

Monday, March 14, 2005

How come I don't see anyone with a lisp on TV? 

Mario Vasquez drops out of 'American Idol.' This is a big deal. This is the first time in reality television that a contestant quits. Now THAT is reality television.

Quitters are everywhere. They're either born or formed, depending on the circumstances. Some people are just born being prone to give up on things when plans don't go their way. Most of us, however, are conditioned to become quitters. We're cut from the basketball team, or told that we're not tall enough to be models, we're not part of the "cool crowd" in high school, and so we internalize our dreams. We hit the snooze button only to eventually forget them.

We're all quitters. Some more than others, but we've all quit something at some point and reality TV just now had its first encounter with it.

But what I really want to see are other facets of actual life reflected on the screen. I'm tired of the athletic types on 'The Real World' and the tailored execs on 'The Apprentice' and why does everyone have to look so damn good? You know what I encounter in the real reality? I find short fat men making all the decisions. I find grown women with acne problems working their ass off while getting paid less than a man who holds the same position within the company. I find people sacrificing a family for a few extra dollars at the end of the week. And I find that the people who own the least have the most to offer.

And I want to see that on television. I want the fat girl with the voice to make it to the final stages of 'American Idol' rather than being sent home because she "doesn't have the look" of a pop star. I want the clumsy girl with the lisp to win 'Survivor.' I want dysfunction, flabby bodies and clothes that don't fit right on laundry day.

Nikko gets a second chance, and that's good. America needs to know that it's not alone. You're not the only one that got passed up for a job only to be approached for the position at a later date. You're not the only one who ended up with your husband or wife because he or she had his or her heart broken by somebody else.

It's OK to be second best. We don't need the ab-roller. We don't need to look like the television stars. What we do need is a little more reality in our television programs.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Bunnies make the best friends! 

darkoSo I watched "Donnie Darko" this weekend and I've been feeling like I am Donnie Darko. It's a high school feeling where it's you against the world. It's fucking crazy, because we all know better by now. But it can creep up on you.

But if I WAS, in fact, Donnie Fuckin' Darko I'd talk that Bunny into bringing me some of that space/future pussy. Wherever it is he comes from, outer space or the future, I'm sure there is some fine tail hanging around. Why can't he bring that around instead of just stalking and what not?

Man, when I was in high school I got NO PLAY… I was too intimidated to talk to girls. If that Bunny brought by some tail I would've done anything he told me to: flood the school, burn down that kid-toucher's house, I'd do it all.

OK, that's it now. I'm done. I think I want an imaginary friend.