Wednesday, October 27, 2004

All the three dollar magnets you can snatch 

Last night, the trip started out innocently enough as a run to Barnes & Noble. But then my accomplice spotted one of those "Support Our Troops" magnets on my girl's car and from there on out we just couldn't help ourselves. We took some at the parking lot. And some more on our way back home. And some more once we got to our neighborhood. We had about 25 in our possession and my idea was to put them all over her car so that when she came out in the morning she wouldn't know what the hell had happened. But she had parked her car across the street from the police station and so we thought better of it. Instead, we continued to rampage through town stealing every three-dollar magnet we could find. I don't know if this was a good civic decision in support of Kerry or a stupid, childish prank. But I don't give a fuck. I hadn't had that much fun in some time.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

The fat ex 

Why does my girlfriend get so incredibly happy when my ex is having guy problems? And why does she revel in the fact that my ex put on weight?

It's cute when women fight on TV. Or in a tub of jello. In mud. I'm a sucker for that shit. But not when it's like this. Not when it hits this close to home.

They're not at blows. Nor will it come to that. But in the words of the great Christopher Walken, "Wowie wow wow wow. Have some… champagna."

What I'm trying to say is fat exes can mess up your groove.